


Still Castiel

by destieliswrittenonmyheart



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Autism, Autism Spectrum, Autistic Castiel, Autistic Meltdown, Cas has a Meltdown, Castiel in the Bunker, Castiel is a Bean, Gen, Hurt Castiel, Meltdown, Panicking Castiel, Panicking Dean, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Sam, Sam is a Sweetheart, autistic!Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-23 12:30:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9657560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destieliswrittenonmyheart/pseuds/destieliswrittenonmyheart
Summary: Castiel is the prototype for autistic humans. Not many people knew this, and certainly not the Winchesters. At least, not until he had a meltdown.





	

The rhythmic rocking on the cold, hard floor was soothing for Castiel. However, nothing could truly stop the impending meltdown that was about to explode into action. Cas' head stung like someone was clawing the inside of his skull, and his skin felt as if it was crawling off of his bones. And the pain. The pain was as sharp like needles plunging deep in his fragile body. Cas brought his hands to rest over his eyes as the fluorescent lights of the bunker were starting to sting them. He whimpered and rocked harder, breathing deep. It was coming fast and he knew it. He just had to ride it out like every other time.

Becoming human was brutal. Being an autistic angel was hard enough, but Cas never imagined how much worse it would be when he experienced human emotions. The sensory overload was stronger, the meltdowns and shutdowns were harsher. It was hell on earth. No, he'd been to hell. This was more than hell. This was hell, purgatory, AND the apocalypse amalgamated into one.

The other angels knew Cas was autistic. Hell, he was the prototype for autistic humans. Nobody else knew that though, not even the Winchesters. Castiel was so embarrassed to tell them, that he simply never did. Although, stuck in the bunker while melting down; today might be that day they found out.

As the stages of the meltdown progressed, Cas lost more and more abilities to be rational. He started rocking as fiercely as his heart was pounding, and scratching at his ears in time to his ragged breaths. He began humming to block the sound of the buzzing lights overhead. Very quickly however, the humming turned to screaming, the rocking to flailing, the scratching to banging. Cas was in a complete panic. His insides squeezed at him with an uncomfortable pulsation, which made him retch. Tears formed at the corners of his eyes from screwing them shut tightly. They dripped off his lashes like dew on a strand of grass.

 _Toomuchtoomuchtoomuch_ ; Castiel's brain yelled at him. Cas started wailing louder to drown out the noises in his own head. His tears freely flowed faster, their streaking marks glimmering on his sweat-soaked face. He pounded at the sides of his head with balled fists in another attempt to quiet the pain. Ironic, really; how one would injure themselves to stop pain. Cas bit at his lips in between cries of agony.

Suddenly, Sam flew around the corner in his pajamas. Hair messy, face unshaved, and eyes wide and worried.  
"Cas!" He shouted. "Cas what's wrong, what happened?!"  
Castiel tried his best to speak, but it just came out in another moan of pain. Sam started to sprint over to where Cas sat flailing, but Cas screamed louder the closer he came. Sam stopped dead in his tracks, unsure of what was happening. He cocked his head and huffed his chest multiple times while watching Cas freak out.

Dean came next, but Sam grabbed him.  
Dean grunted; "Let go, Sam! What's happening?!"  
"I-I don't know. He's just freaking out-" Sam sucked in a quick breath before continuing, "I tried to go up to him and he started wailing louder, I-I don't know if he's hurt or..."  
"He's hurting himself, Sam," Dean pointed out Castiel's injurious behavior, "We've got to stop him, man." And with that, the brothers tread up to Cas carefully.

"No, NO!" Cas groaned drunkenly, "Please no, I have to-" he stopped, another retch overtaking him.  
"You have to what, Cas?" Dean barked.  
Castiel tried to speak, but it was like his tongue wouldn't move in the way he wanted it to. His voice trailed off into more moans of pain.  
"C'mon Cas." Sam pleaded.

After a few gasps, Cas managed to sputter, "M-Meltdown. P-Pain."  
Dean squinted at his cowering friend, before turning to Sam. Sam had a look of awe on his face.  
"Cas." Sam started. "Meltdown. As in, an autistic meltdown?"  
Cas nodded at this, banging his chest roughly before cradling his ribs in his arms. The collar of his shirt was soaked through with tears. Castiel retched twice more, his throat burning.  
"Autistic? Cas, you're not-" Dean began before he was cut off by Cas's cries.  
"SHUT UP!" Cas screeched, "JUST SHUT UP!"  
  


Dean pulled away, slightly hurt by Cas' harsh words. Sam saw Dean's withdrawal and gripped his bicep. He led him out of Cas's way, and into the hallways of the bunker. The Winchesters could still hear the pounding of Cas's flailing body against the floor and the heart-wrenching screams of his pain.  
"Dean he didn't mean it." Sam confronted. "He's in pain, a lot, clearly. There's nothing we can do except wait it out."  
Dean harrumphed, "Yeah, Sam? And then what? He's my friend and he's screaming like someone just ripped his teeth out!" Dean cast his gaze away, boiling with anger. Although the anger stemmed from fear, and both boys knew that.  
Sam huffed his chest. "Look, if it's an _autistic_ meltdown like he says; then we can't do anything." Sam placed his hand on his brother's shoulder. "It's rough on me too, Dean. We just have to sit it out."  
Dean brushed Sam's hand away before sighing deeply and sliding down the wall behind him into a crouched position. "Dammit."  
Sam crinkled his lips together and sat next to him.

The Winchesters sat in silence for well over half an hour, listening and waiting. Castiel's screaming became whimpers, and his crying ceased.  
Dean sniffled and rubbed at his eyes with one hand, frustrated with not being able to help. "You think we can check on him now?"  
"Not sure." Sam gulped. "God, he's gonna be so tired."  
Dean squinted at Sam. "How do you know?"  
Sam chuckled from the seemingly dumb question. "He just spent the past who knows how long melting down. He's going to be tired."

The boys stood to go check on Cas. Sam agreed to grab a blanket and a new shirt, and Dean went to get a glass of water. They stepped into the room Cas was in carefully, just in case he was still hypersensitive.  
Castiel turned his head to look at them. He smiled weakly, his face still shimmering with sweat and tears.  
"A-Are you okay man?" Dean whispered as he raised his eyebrows.  
Cas slouched over before replying. "Yes, Dean."

Sam approached Cas with the shirt and blanket, and Cas's face softened. "Here, Cas."  
"Thank you, Sam. I'm sorry."  
"There's nothing to apologize for, you couldn't help it." Sam consoled softly. "I had an autistic roommate in college, I know how rough it is."  
Dean stood a little taller, slightly shocked. "How come I didn't know about this?" He grunted.  
Sam turned to Dean, and sputtered, "It wasn't really a topic that came up before. I suppose..."

Cas peeled off his trench coat, slid off the tie, and undid the buttons to his shirt. He winced as he slipped the damp shirt over his shoulders, revealing bruising that was starting to form on his ribs and collarbone. Dean's eyes widened in worry. Neither Sam nor Cas mentioned it though, so Dean thought it best for him to keep his mouth shut as well. Sam handed Cas the shirt, and Cas gladly put it on. Anything was better than the wet dress shirt. He wrapped himself in the blanket, his eyes started to droop. Dean trod over to them and gave Castiel the water. Cas gulped it down like he'd been wandering a desert for years and hadn't had anything to drink.  
"Thank you, really. I didn't mean to inconvenience you this way." Castiel's gaze dropped to his knees.  
Dean spoke first, "Cas, don't mention it. But I'm kinda wondering why you never told us this before?"  
Cas's face blushed a rose color, "I just-I thought you would think differently of me. I mean, before that-before I became human it wasn't much of an issue, you see, I'm the prototype of autism-er-autistic people, and..." Cas stuttered, clearly flustered.  
Sam put a firm hand on Cas's knee. "Cas, buddy, you're okay. There's nothing to be ashamed of. You're still Castiel."

 


End file.
